It’s safe to say the Golf Course won the US Open.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA- The Olympic Club was like black hole of sucky golf on Sunday. She rolled with bellows of fog like an old woman exhaling a thick puff of her Virginia Slim. Only instead of people being annoyed by the second hand smoke, they were “treated” to some sub-par golf. NBC has got to be pretty miffed at The Olympic. They’re probably like “Are you kidding me USGA? Rory McIlory shot a 16 under to win last year’s US Open. Why can’t 2012 be more like 2011? Well, at least we still have Jay Leno. That guys hilarious. Right? Right?” Choosing terrible comedians to host their talk shows aside, I did think NBC pulled a slick move by NEVER SHOWING THE LEADERBOARD! Like ever. I suppose the big wigs at NBC figured if they flashed the leaderboard up to show the terrible scores and lack of Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson, or Rory McIlroy that viewers would immediately change the channel to, oh I don’t know, Game 3 of the NBA Finals? I understand why they did it, but it was more frustrating than trying to poke a tiny plastic straw into a pouch of CapriSun. (Oh I’m sorry, not everyone has giant, dopey sausage fingers? That’s just me? Well bully for you and your dexterous, straw-working fingers!)


Anyway, it looked like we may have seen the return to old form of Tiger Woods, but as his third and fourth round showed, you can’t teach an old prostitute how to quit calling him at home when she knows his wife is home and may answer the phone– Zing! Weird metaphor digging up old things from his past! I’m a hack. Seriously though, he really took a huge turd on Saturday shooting a 75. Top that off with a 73 in the final round and you can see why he rapidly went from being tied for the lead Friday night to relative obscurity on Sunday.

Tiger said, “This golf course is just so demanding that a fraction off, you pay the price.”

If that’s true, then that 17 year old kid must be a fraction wizard, because he took you to school this weekend, son!

High School junior Beau Hossler played about as well as any amateur could have. Kudos to him for showing those “pros” a thing or two. Good luck as a Longhorn, kid.


Oh yeah, and Webb Simpson won the US Open. So, congrats to that guy.  check out his victory speech below





Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

× 1 = six